Today was the start of my insulin trial.
Talk about a disaster.
This morning I tried to inject myself with the stuff and instead had a full-out panic attack. I could not bring myself to go near my stomach with the needle. I know rationally the needle is no bigger then the one I use to prick my finger and that I've been poked a million times for flu shots or to draw blood. I think the problem is that it is always someone else doing the poking. Or in the case of checking my blood sugars, the needle pops out when I hit a button so I do not have to physically put the needle in my flesh.
I can dig a splinter out of my finger with a needle and I had no problem digging at my feet when I had a wart but put that insulin pen in my hand and ask me to inject myself and I have a complete meltdown.
It was not a pretty sight. It went from my 'almost injecting myself' to 'having a break down' to 'stop sobbing long enough to feel absolutely foolish' then become 'determined that it is not a big deal' and....repeat.
|Why was this so damn terrifying?|
Ok, maybe I laid on the couch and asked him to do it for me. Then I had to stop squirming long enough for him to actually inject me. Of course it didn't even hurt so I couldn't even feel justified in my squeamishness. What an annoying mental block to have.
After all that, it turned out that throughout the day, the insulin lowered my sugars more then expected. So, it is being stopped until after my Newfoundland trip, maybe longer.
Hurray for being able to postpone events that terrify me!
For something less traumatic, the following are some canvass I made for my sister's birthday. I dog-sat her dog, Joey, back in March when she went to Hawaii. Since he is a really old dog, I thought it might be nice to make her something from him on the off chance he died while she was away (thankfully he survived). I painted the canvass and then painted one of his paws,clipping off any long hairs, and made the print. It took many many tries before I got some that looked like an actual paw and not a black blob. He was not very cooperative and kept trying (and succeeding) to run away from me leaving little black paw prints all over the apartment. Eventually this is what I ended up with: