So we loaded the car with our bikes and camping equipment and off we went to PEI. He thought it would be fun to bike the confederation trail for a few days and I thought it would be fun to sit on the beach and eat smores. It was a fun weekend, we camped two nights and crashed with family on the third rainy night.
Over the past few years, since my health has been declining, I have been lamenting on activities I can no long accomplish. I get exhausted if I go on long hikes, I can't cycle for hours on end, I get winded when I spent too much time cooking or cleaning the house (not an activity often lamented about), I can no longer spend 3 weeks trekking around a country without being shattered for awhile afterward, and if I laugh too hard, I cough for an embarrassing amount of time afterward. Due to this, I have stopped doing a lot of the physical activities that I enjoy because I am not able to finish it until the end. I have been telling myself that if I can't hike the full trail, what is the point of hiking any of it. I think it is my competitive streak that stops me as I do not do well with losing or being seen as 'less than able' so it is hard to start something and then not be able to complete it.
I just want to point out that this is fully in my head and that my friends and family are completely supportive and would be more then understanding if I ever said that I needed to turn around or stop for a little bit. My loving partner has been telling me for years that I need to just do what I can and not compare myself to my old self or anyone else but I have not been listening to him.
However, something seemed to click this weekend and I think I've had a bit of a mental breakthrough while I was cycling along a coastal trail (with my oxygen of course) and thoroughly enjoying myself. I kept thinking how stupid it was to keep myself from participating in things that I enjoy just because I'm not as capable as I use to be. I am still able to cycle for an hour hear and there and I need to keep doing what I want while I'm still able. That while I have been doing some awesome things, there is still a lot I have kept myself from doing. Like when I stopped going to those intro dance classes at university because I kept coughing afterward or during, or not trying a new exercise class because it might be too hard, or not going out dancing with some friends because I might need to go home early. I still need to be able to try new things and be ok when I'm not always physically able to finish them. Breakthrough!
Does everyone who has a decline in health have this fight and then acceptance of themselves?
 |
| Hanging out at the beach while waiting for my partner to cycle back to get the car. |
No comments:
Post a Comment